


Hiraeth

by SapphireSoulmate



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, M/M, More angst, and this, implied KagaKuro, please just burn me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSoulmate/pseuds/SapphireSoulmate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiraeth<br/>(n.) a homesickness for a home you cannot return to, or that never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past</p><p>Akashi and Furihata are haunted by the same reds and golds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to RikkaTsukiakari for proofreading all of my chapters. :)

Furihata slumped down to his couch. It has yet again been an exhausting day. Who would’ve thought that being a working man was this tiring? He, like any normal person, had been deluded with the promise of fun and delight that movies and novels painted his bachelor years with. When he left to live by and fend for himself, he thought that he’d be free and that he is bound to hit the good part of life pretty soon but all that hit him was a dull and dreary reality, the ever constant dejecting truth. _Oh_ , How wrong he was to believe, to hope that **_something_ ** would change, that _**he** _ would change, that he could move forward. His life has been nothing but an endless loop; his days, depressing shades of gray. He’d leave his place at Seven in the morning and get back an hour shy of midnight. And then, he’d close his eyes and wait. He’d patiently wait for those shades of red and gold that sat on his floor and stared at him as he slept.

“You should not sleep on the couch, Kouki.” Akashi’s voice wakes up the sleeping brunette but he does not open his eyes. Instead, he listens to the former’s breathe. _‘How reassuring’_ , he says to himself. How sad.

“I know you are awake. If you refuse to open your eyes, I will disap-” This time Furihata jolts up in a panic and reaches for Akashi but he is quick to removes Furihata’s hands despite being startled.

“You should never mess with me. I am, after all, **absolute**.” Akashi chides as he stands up, a grin eminent on his face.

“But you are not absolute, Sei. If you were, you wouldn’t have...” Furihata hesitated or so he believes. There was more of fear than hesitation in his eyes. He couldn’t say it. He always ended up swallowing those words into a void that is hidden inside him, a blackhole that Akashi has caused.

“I wouldn’t have?”

Furihata does not respond. It’s not that he does not want to talk. It is that he couldn’t. He lets Akashi and himself sink into a quiet stillness. It’ll soon be two years since then but he still couldn’t respond to that question. _'This day is truly an exhausting one.'_ He’d have to say goodbye to Akashi earlier than the usual.

“You shouldn’t be here.” he says, finally interrupting the silence.

“Why? Why can’t I be here? Why am I not allowed here… _with you?_ ” Akashi asks.

Furihata tries to speak again but he only ends up gobbling his words. If he mentions anything about it, then the reds and golds that pay him visits might just really fade away. So he opts to stare at Akashi with the most endearing eyes he could muster , to give him the best smile he could offer despite its lack of joy and vigor, the very core of his smile.

“Thank you for waking me up, Sei. I’ll go sleep in the bed. I have work early in the morning.”

“You’ve grown taller, Kouki. You are even taller than me.” Akashi remarks when Furihata stands up.

“That's because you are not-.”

"I'm not?"

"Forget about it. You're right, Sei. I did grow taller." are the last words Furihata utters before entering his room. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a few second. And in those seconds, all the colors dissipate. The red and gold hues turn once again into a bleak gray monochrome. Looking back and seeing that Akashi had gone, Furihata decides to go back to sleep.

**Beep! Beep! Beep!**

Furihata woke up to the sound of his phone’s alarm.

_He has slept on the couch again._


	2. Chapter 2

“Will you really be okay?” Fukuda asks, with concern written all over his face, as he places his hand on Furihata’s shoulder.

Furihata only shrugs dismissively, “I’ll be fine, Fukuda. It’s just my first time on a plane but, really, I’m not going anywhere far.”

“Then, we’ll be waiting for your return.” Kawahara assures while patting Furihata’s other unoccupied shoulder.

Furihata could only answer sarcastically, “That’s very sweet of you.”

“He’s probably waiting on your souvenirs, Furihata-kun.” Kuroko teases despite his monotonous voice.  
_“Hey!”_

“Kuroko, that’s not very nice.” Kagami butts in before ruffling Kuroko’s hair.

Their other three companions averts their eyes at the sweet scene transpiring before them.

“Can you take your flirting elsewhere? Go get a room.” Fukuda says, making gagging gestures as a sign of disapproval at the couple’s public display of affection, while Kawahara just nodded in agreement.

Furihata sighed before looking at his wristwatch, “As much as I enjoy telling Kuroko and Kagami to beat it, I’ll be late for my flight if I don’t go.”

“Well then, have a safe trip.” Fukuda wishes before delivering a slap on Furihata’s back, a gesture of goodluck.

“Don’t forget Kawahara’s souvenirs.” Kuroko reminds yet again to taunt Fukuda.  
_“It’s not funny, Kuroko. I don’t need souvenirs from Furihata.”_

“If Kawahara doesn’t want any, the rest of us most certainly do.” Kagami tactlessly quips.

The sound of his teammates’ laughter was the last thing Furihata hears before he bids them goodbye and goes his way, leaving his teammates to watch his back disappear within the crowd of people. It does not take him long to him reach the boarding lounge. He smiles, as waits for the announcement of his flight. After all, tonight would put a huge hole in his daily routine. Something is finally happening. Something is finally disrupting his status quo. The announcement comes and he then boards a plane headed for Okinawa.

He is not going there for fun and games, mind you. He just really needs to meet an important client of their company. Though, _of course_ , he can’t help but think of this as an exciting change from his usual boring routine. Something new, something more fun than his dull and passive life.

The plane takes off and they reach the skyway without any problem. It’s also good to note that Furihata did not feel sick, not one bit. His excitement is doing a really good job of keeping him preoccupied but it all dies out with one wrong move. He only wondered what the night sky looks like while on flight so he peeks through the window and is greeted by a marvelous glistening blue moon, a sight that undid all jittery feelings left in him. Normally, he’d be ecstatic to see this rare view but it only reminded him of _that_ night, the most wondrous night of his life, that night that is probably Furihata’s fondest memory. Ironic how his most cherished could only bring him bitterness and heartache. He tries, in vain, to calm down from the turbulent emotions within him. He resorts to the escape of sleep, hoping that by the time he wakes up, this overwhelming feeling would disappear.

But his mind never really agreed with him, anyway.

  
_It was a week before midterm and Furihata was well aware that he needed to study and get his grades up but No. He was **NOT** doing any of those things. Instead, he got himself tipsy with none other than_ **‘The Akashi Seijuurou’** _on a Sunday night, in a field of flowers, an hour drive from their University. The details on how and why the hell they got there were a blur but he can’t find it in himself to care._

_“Kouki, I think I am very much intoxicated.” Akashi suddenly muttered, turning to the drunken brunet beside him._

_“Of course you are, Akashi. We have sixteen bottles to ourselves and you’ve already drank half of it.” Furihata affirmed, at least, he was still conscious enough to talk normally._

_“Did I? I’m starting to regret that now. I rarely drink, I don’t hold that well with alcohol. I cannot drive us back and I think the same goes for you.” Akashi looked at him apologetically which Furihata just dismissed with a wave of his hand._

_“ Tis’ kay. We can just pass the night here. Let’s just tell stories and stuff like heart ***hic*** to heart talk or sumthin’ like that. ” Furihata reassuresd Akashi though he’s started to think that the liquor was affecting him a tinny bit with how he’s starting to slur._

_Akashi replied with a smile, “A heart-to-heart talk seems nice.”_  
  
_Furihata’s surprise was painted all over his face, all alcohol in his system seems to be drained with what the red-head said. Akashi didn’t strike him as the type of person who enjoys these sort of things. He suddenly realized how rude he has been for making such dumb expression when he noticed Akashi staring at him in question._

_“I- I’m sorry.” Furihata stuttered before averting his gaze, embarrassed._

_“You cannot say sorry while turning your head from the person you are apologizing to.” Akashi commented as he moved closer to Furihata, closing the distance between them by a few centimeters._  
  
_Furihata took the bait. He turned to look at Akashi, his face turning the same shade as Akashi’s hair at their proximity. Their faces inches apart, their breath mingling, the sweet scent of alcohol drowned all of Furihata’s senses. Akashi was left puzzled, asking himself if their propinquity fazed Furihata or if it was that the excessive intake of liquor in their systems. Either way, they simply stared at the other for what seemed like a lifetime- only it actually lasted a mere second. Akashi soon regained what was left of his composure and sat up to continue their chit-chat with a proposal._

_“I’d still like for us to talk. You can ask me a question and I’ll answer it. Then, I’d ask you a question and you answer mine. We’d be exchanging questions until we get bored of doing so. I believe that’s a fair way for us to get to know each other more. Is that fine with you?”_

_Furihata nodded, “I’m okay with that but what happened to me apologizing sincerely?”_

_“Your gaze was more than enough for me to know that you meant no harm.” Akashi answered with a knowing smirk that's still **damn attractive** despite his current state. Furihata could only ask the heavens how life could be so unfair for those who are ordinary-looking like him._

_“You’re trying to cover it up but you’re really drunk, aren’t you? Which movie did you get that cheesy line from?”_  
_“I already answered your question, Kouki. Now, it’s my turn.”_

_Furihata protested though it did not lead him anywhere, “Did that question count? You never told me we were starting already.”_

_Akashi cleared his throat and explained, “You gave the ‘okay’ so I assumed that it was.”_

_Furihata rolled his eyes in sarcasm, “Yes, I totally believe you.”_

_“Then, I’d like to inquire on another matter of you believing me.”_

_Furihata is starting to doubt if Akashi is actually drunk or not. Booze is supposed to make you tipsy enough to think blindly, laugh and smile goofily, slur your words until they become incoherent and throw every sensible thought you have out of the window. How can Akashi even talk so eloquently and elegantly like his usual self and maintain his composure under the influence of alcohol?_

_Then, there was a pause, few seconds of Akashi preparing his question and Furihata waiting eagerly for his words. But when Akashi began to speak, he threw Furihata in a curve._

_“Would you believe me if I told you that I like you?”_  
_Okay, so maybe the liquor_ **did** _affect Akashi._

_The brunet froze in his spot. He was met by both astonishment and doubt. He never expected a question like this from Akashi of all people._

_And then came another pause but this one was very much different from the previous. This pause was an anxious one; one where Akashi hoped, one where Furihata began calculating his words, one where both wished that right time would stop this very second._

_But they were not granted such. Furihata took a deep breath and sat up to meet Akashi’s line of gaze. His heart was pounding more than ever. Was it because he was drunk? Or perhaps, it was because he has always liked the man? In spite of his emotions, he knew not to make haste of things, not to start a relationship where both of them weren’t thinking straight, not that they are one bit straight at all._

_Furihata hesitated, biting his lip before he answered, “Akashi, I- I’d believe you. I’d believe you when you say you like me but if only you’d sober up before saying so.”_

_But before Akashi could answer, everything, the scenery, all of it began to fall apart._  
_Akashi, **his** Akashi._

_Even Furihata himself._

**_Crumbling. Collapsing. Falling into nothingness._ **

  
_When Furihata opened his eyes, he was back on his apartment, back on his couch. And there, Akashi stood, staring at him._

_“Kouki…Why can’t I be here with you? You said you’d believe in me. I like you. I have always did and will always do.”_

_Those words shattered what was left of Furihata’s feelings. He knew all too well that this- all of this- was all a lie, that the Akashi in front of him is a lie. Because Akashi had never been in his place; his Akashi was long gone. But no matter how much he desperately convinces himself that he’s not real, he still couldn’t detach himself from the Akashi in his dreams. He still couldn’t bring himself to answer the question._

_“I know, Sei. I know.” Furihata says, contrary to the truth. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have the tiniest idea of how Akashi feels._

_How is it possible to lie to a lie?_

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been cleared to land at the Naha airport. Please make sure that your seat belt is securely fastened. The flight attendants are currently passing around the cabin to make a final compliance check and pick up any remaining cups and glasses. Thank you.” The trained polite voice coming from the speakers brought the brunet back, woke him at his cold seat, surrounded by strangers’ murmur.

He thought earlier that Akashi would at least spare him while he’s resting here of all places but it seems that his attachment to what once was is still there. The reds and golds follow him.

Haunting him wherever he goes.


	3. Chapter 3

_“Kouki! Kouki! Wake up!”_

Furihata was quick to open his eyes when he heard Akashi’s voice. Earlier that day, he reached his hotel safely and was down for the count the moment he got into the bed. The meeting was still around six in the evening so taking a nap and everything wasn’t much of problem. Well, except for the fact that Akashi was there too; that those red and gold orbs still stared at him even in a hotel room far from his place. But considering what he dreamed about that night, meeting him here wasn’t much of a shock. And besides, having company in a place full of unfamiliar faces wasn’t so bad.

_Or was it?_

“What is it, Sei? I’m trying to get some shuteye here. I need to look presentable later. I’m going to meet with a client, remember?” Furihata murmured, one eye staring up at Akashi.  
  
Akashi, unaffected by Furihata’s dismission, took advantage of the moment and said with a smile, “You are presentable, Kouki. In fact, you are more than presentable. You are beautiful.”

“Thanks for the compliment but I really do need to rest right now.” Furihata answered plainly before closing his eye once again.

Furihata’s insipidity finally earned the redhead’s frustration, his smile turning into a frown, “That was a bland reaction. The first time I told you that you look beautiful, you turned beet red. You were so adorable. We were also in a hotel that time too, right?”

“I don’t remember anymore.”

“ _Liar_. Forgetting that is not possible.”

Akashi hit the mark really well. He was absolutely right. Furihata can’t possibly forget that. He remembered all of it as if it was yesterday- How Akashi just kept on complimenting him; how he got so embarrassed to the point that it became awkward to get to it and that by the time they have actually done it, Furihata learned that there are actually things that even Akashi can’t proficiently do. _‘How could I forget?’_ No one would ever forget their first time.

Furihata turned his head away for the redhead’s view while mumbling, “I do remember the time in the hotel room but small details never really stick with me.”

The brunet found a little satisfaction at the pause he caused but did not turn to face the other man nonetheless. And besides, Akashi was quick to get himself together, “You’ve changed, Kouki. It’s not just your height or your features. You are just not the same.”

Furihata tried to feign ignorance and shrugged, “I got a job, Sei. I live by myself now. A lot of things have inevitably changed so I just went along with all of it. And now, I need some sleep so please do spare me.”

“You are wrong about one thing. You’re not alone. I’m here. But I may not always be here so you should look at me while you can.”

At times like these, Furihata wonders. Is this Akashi aware that he’s a fake or does he truly believe that he is the real Akashi? He probably does think he’s the real deal, Furihata finally decides. _‘I mean, how in the world do you explain his ability to get away with pulling off things like this?’_

“I get it. I get it.” Furihata sighed in surrender and sits up to Akashi’s delight.

The two just sat in silence for a moment,Furihata still rubbing his eyelids and Akashi, stern-faced, probably thinking of what to say next, “Don’t you want this?”

  
The answer was so obvious that it hit a nerve. The Akashi in his dreams has often vexed him but this time around, it is just too much. “Of course I don’t. I just want sleep. Real sleep.”

“You are in a very foul mood, today.” Akashi chuckled, sensing Furihata’s aggravation.

“That’s because you woke me up so early in the morning.” Furihata replies, sending a glare straight at the other man.

Akashi ignored Furihata’s complaints, took him by the hand and led him to the balcony, “But that’s the point. The sun at daybreak is the most beautiful. Come, Kouki.”

Just as the redhead said, the sight was stunning. The sky was a mixture of various shades of reds, violets and blues as the sun shone brightly, leaving Furihata smiling just as vibrant as the colors before him. It was at times like these that he appreciated this Akashi- that he appreciated all these dreams that he had. It gave him a wonderful, tingly sensation. A similar feeling to the ones got when he was with the real Akashi.

“Do you like it?” Akashi asked, as his grip on the other tightens a bit.

That’s when Furihata noticed that for the first time, his hands were cold. Akashi’s, his Akashi’s hands were always warm. _‘But here they are...’_ It was only then that he realized the weight of it all- that this wasn’t true and that Akashi wasn’t with him. **He was alone.**

“I really liked it when we held hands. Yours were very warm.” He looks at Akashi and forces a smile.

Akashi seems to have been taken aback before he smiles back, “Ah, right. They are.”

And then, warmth suddenly found its way to Furihata’s hand. The temperature of Akashi’s hand changed…which was both calming and terrifying. Akashi’s warmth, no matter if it is delusive, eased him of his troubles and brought him peace but at the same time, it was also alarming how the Akashi here could be so much like his Akashi, how this lie could mimic reality so well.

 _‘This is not real.’_ Just as the thought popped into his head, Furihata lets go of Akashi, lets go of the fraudulent warmth and all that was left was fear, was emptiness.

“You really should go. You shouldn’t be here.” Furihata averts his eyes, his lips in a straight line.

Akashi’s eyes widen at the abruptness of his words, “...Why?”

“That is...” Again, Furihata trails off, unable to respond to Akashi’s question. It was a really simple equation, actually. He knew the answer too well, the consequences of it all too well, that it made him silent. He wanted to relish the moment, to see Akashi even though he knew it was wrong.

_Even though Akashi is gone._

“Every time!...Every single time that I set the mood right, you tell me to go. What is it really, Kouki?” He asked, his voice breaking a bit at the end.

Akashi’s outburst sent a chill down the brunet but he still had it in him to stare at those eyes and after collecting his thoughts, to give a reply. “You... want know the truth?”

The redhead answered without any hesitation, “Yes, so we can get this over it.”

“The thing is there is nothing to get over with anymore. We’ve already gone there. And you...! You are... You have also...le-”Again, with the knotted words in his throat, Furihata mumbled incomprehensibly, trying with all his might to find the right words-the right chronology, the right answer to Akashi’s question- but ends up drowning at the vastness of the ideas, the emotions surging inside him. All the words, all his thoughts never seem to be enough anymore.

**RING! RING! RING!**

Suddenly, his mind turned blank and all his thoughts came to a halt. Only the ringing of his phone was registering on his mind. Silence reigned once again before Furihata sighs, in relief or dismay? No one can say.

“That’s my phone. It might be an important call. I should answer it.” Furihata turned around to go get his phone, staggering a bit in inebriation, but Akashi stops him and takes him by the hand.

“Why is it that you always evade my questions?”

“I’m sorry for raising my voice, Sei. I wasn’t in the best of moods.” The brunet replies only to dodge another of Akashi’s questions. His grip loosens and then he lets go.  
.  
.  
**_“Don’t apologize when you don’t mean it, liar.”_**  
.  
.  
Everything becomes a blur until he opens his eyes.

  
**RING! RING! RING!**

Someone was really, really calling him. He sits up to get his phone from the table to his right. In his peripheral view, he notices that the clouds do not seem that friendly today and notes to himself that he should bring an umbrella later.

He clicks, “Good morning, Sir.”

He hears the sound of woman on the phone who’s around her mid-40’s, “Ah, Furihata-kun. Nijimura-san asked if you could meet at an earlier time, around Four in the afternoon, if possible. I already gave the ‘okay’ so please don’t be late.”

“Yes. It’s still relatively early so I’ll be fine. Thank for the update.”

“It’s nothing, kid. Go get us a new client!” The teasing cheer he received from his boss gives him a little bit of comfort.

His boss hangs up and Furihata looks at the clock. He’s got around five hours before he goes to meet their company’s potential client so he collapses back to bed but he doesn’t fall asleep. Instead, he dwells on Akashi’s words. His mind lingers on the reds and golds; the blues and violets of the sky. How different they are from the gray weather outside.

“Liar.” he mutters to himself.

Akashi wasn’t wrong. Furihata is lying to himself. And Akashi is the lie.

The rain falls and it reaches the point where the pitter-patters become audible. The cold comes to greet Furihata and he immediately wraps himself in a blanket to block it.

_‘It’s best to have him on cold days such as this.’_


	4. Chapter 4

Akashi Seijuurou woke up to an immense headache, with little recollection of what transpired the night before and how he even got into a hotel room.

_Or where he even is right now._

All he could deduce was that he was out drinking and ended up going here with someone given that there were two shot glasses next to a bottle of whiskey. His suit case and all its contents were sprawled across the room. It only took a second for Akashi to rush down to his things and find his wallet. Luckily, he did find it but there was no cash inside. The hypothetical person, who he may or may not have spent the night with, may or may not have stolen his money. Well, at least, his credit cards, IDs and phone were left intact so he decided let it go. Besides, there were bigger things to worry about.

The lapses in his memory could only mean one thing: **He had not been himself.** Those reds and golds were most likely the one who brought him here. But he’d been so used to these kinds of incidents that instead of brooding over matters, he heads to the bathroom to make himself presentable before asking the hotel clerk downstairs where he was exactly and also pay his bills since his other self probably did not bother with them. _‘When will he stop causing me and the corporation problems?’_ Everything seemed like a routine for Akashi except – erm, well -opening the bathroom door and seeing a message in the mirror. And of course, it was written with **red** lipstick.

**‘I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU’**

But Akashi still remained unfazed. No gasping. Not even a sound. _Just nothing._

He was not one bit scared of the writings in the mirror. Well, he was not allowed to be. And so he only grimaces while looking at the lipstick-stained mirror, at his reflection. After all, this was only another one of the messes he had to clean up.

* * *

 

“Okinawa?” Higuchi Shouta’s face turned pale as he talked to Akashi on the phone. Why is the Chief Financial Officer in Okinawa on such an important day? This will surely earn him an earful from the older Akashi for ‘not reminding’ his son of his need to be here today.

“Yes, you heard me right. I’m in Okinawa right now.” Akashi knew how bad the situation is. Higuchi did tell him about today. The company is trying to strike a deal with the Mahashi Corp. and they are projected to earn a lot from this alliance. As the CFO, he should’ve been present.

“The meeting will start any minute now. Abe-san is here already. And he asked for you. You know that no one better can explain our budget plan for this project.”

“Even if I rode a plane heading for Tokyo right now, I wouldn’t make it. Go call Mibuchi. He’s the head of the team who made the budget plan. He’ll know what to say.” Akashi did want to go but negotiations will start soon enough and, knowing his father, things will be wrapped up in around an hour or even less. He wouldn’t be able to make it no matter how much he tried.

“I understand. I’ll ring Mibuchi-san right away. But, I hope you don’t mind me asking as a friend and a former teammate and also as your secretary, are you alright, Akashi? You’ve been like this for awhile now. The company is doing fine now but you are aware that soon enough your father will concede his position to you and I can’t help but...”

The silent buzz from the other line made him waver before sighing in resignation, “No. _Nevermind_.”

“ I’m just doing some soul searching, finding myself, things like that. I’ll get over it when Father decides to-”

But Higuchi cuts him off. “That is not something you should take so lightly. Don’t you think we know what’s happening, Akashi?”

Akashi knew the drill. Everyone he was well-acquainted with in his high school and college days knew of his condition, knew that there were two of him and that both were aware of the others existence. And everyone would tell him to go see a psychologist; others would even go as far as recommending psychiatrists. They were just worried about him, that much he accepted, but stepping into a hospital and admitting you are sick is easier said than done. Especially for someone as prideful as him who has to carry so many things and people in his shoulders. He could not falter, not here, not now, _not ever._

But that was not something he could decide by himself.

**_‘Not falter? Don’t make me laugh. You were at it all night. And if anything, he looked very much like him, don’t you think? Brown hair, brown eyes, but he didn’t quite have that awkward smile.’_ **

Reds and golds invade Akashi’s eyes,his mind, his consciousness, reminding him of what he has done, of the choices he made, of hurting that person. _‘Why did it have to be now?’_ he asks himself but the only answers he gets are words of spite and hatred. They torment him, tugging the parts of his heart that he usually could keep without any problem, allowing his anger to let loose.

“Shut up! That was you last night. I didn’t do anything.”

_**‘That is right. You didn’t do anything. You didn’t do anything when Father instructed you to continue your studies abroad.’** _

“It was for the company! A lot of people are depending on me, on you.”  
“Akashi...?! Are you alright? What is happening there? Hello---”

_**‘You ended the call? That is very much like you. Suddenly cutting people off without prior notice. You left Kouki without explaining anything too. You disappeared like thin air.’** _

“But I did talk to him. I told him I was going to Europe to study and he said he’d be fine.”

**_‘Because you told him I was gone, that you got rid of me. You even got Shintarou to lie for you. As if someone as pompous as you would ever dare get a prescription to keep me away.’_ **

“You know why I did that. I had to.”

**_‘You had to? You had to lie to him? And he might still be mourning my loss even now. What if he is still suffering because you couldn’t tell him the truth?’_ **

He cannot keep on listening to his other self anymore. What he needed to do right this second was call Higuchi back and assure him that he is perfectly well before his secretary starts selling him out to his father. So he shuts the other Akashi out.

“Breathe in. Breath out. You are in control.” He repeats the words again and again, inhaling and exhaling, until the the gold in his left eye leave- until the other Akashi’s words drown out from his ears, until he was really in control.

_Well, at least, for now._

His concentration was broken by a message from Nijimura asking him to meet up in a coffee shop not far from where he was staying but it did not really matter since he had already silenced his heterochromatic-eyed self. He’ll finally clear things up with Higuchi--

Wait.

  
_What?_

Nijimura, a person who he has not seen in millenniums, just texted him and is telling him to go to a coffee shop he has never been to. The redhead scrolls back to read the previous messages. Apparently, he(no, the other him) had advised Nijimura to hire this accounting firm and his old captain wanted his help talking to the firm’s representative.

He wanted to tell him _no, he could not make it_ but his counterpart had already told the man that he had arrived earlier. Saying no would be risking the exposure of his condition.

_What does his other self want this time?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing things in red in Japan is a really big taboo because red is for failure, red is for death, Stuff like that.
> 
> Also Higuchi-kun is Rakuzan's Manager but he wasn't given much character, let alone cameos.
> 
> I'd also like to stress that Akashi is the CFO, not CEO. His dad is still the CEO thus he still isn't the position but he'll inherit it, one day. The CFO(VP-Finance) answers directly to the CEO and is incharge of keeping their records, budgets and money in check.
> 
> And I do hope my portrayal of Akashi conflicted about taking meds is not taken too negatively. I actually do think that he should consider medication in his canon circumstances but I think given Akashi's character and background as being raised in an environment that seems very much single-minded, traditional and strict, (plus Mental Health Stigma still being a thing, especially in non-western settings) even if Akashi did consider it, I think it'd take time and support (from his father, people important to him) for him and to actually go to the hospital.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all but sad and angsty but I still hope you enjoy reading it. Have fun getting hurt by feels~ (Also, my writing is kinda rusty so I do hope you'd help me out if you find grammar errors and whatnots so I can fix them.) And I just made a rough plot for all of Hiraeth just before a quiz on a topic that our professor never taught so hahaha. I think 10 chapters would be enough but I might change it when I actually write them probably to 8 chapter or like 12 chapters, not sure.


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